Dangling in the Deep End

Chapter 3

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming; what do we do? We swim! Life lessons from Dory are profound in their simplicity. I love Dory. She doesn’t see the ocean as half full or half empty, but rather as a beautiful place to swim, no matter what its water level is. Churning or smooth…doesn’t matter. She keeps moving through the waves and wonder of it all, making friend and finding strength in the struggle over and over again. I love how she accepts and deals with her weakness – her forgetfulness.

I have been forgetful of very important things. Things that have shaped my life in the same way water runs through the earth in rivulets, leaving things shaped oddly different with its run to the sea. I forgot almost everything about the invasive blue light from the time I was a child until memory refused to remain buried. I was a grown woman with kids when I realized I was dangling in the deep end, treading water and going nowhere. Memories kicked and spit and snorted, trying to make their way to the surface of my mind. Wave after wave kept pounding my thoughts until I couldn’t hold them under any longer. I saw only bits and pieces of items and events and all of them seemed disjointed and most of them frightening. I felt as if I were losing my mind.

The blue light had been a part of me for most of my life. It was joined with another shadowy memory of creatures threatening me with the kidnapping of my baby brother unless I agreed to go with them. My mother assured me it had been a bad dream. It was  one that haunted me for years. I didn’t know anything about false memory at the time and I wouldn’t for another 40 years, but eventually my monsters fought their way through the watery depths and I had to look them in the face. I was forced to put away stories that had become familiar in family circles. I was not a victim of an alien abduction, but rather a survivor of childhood rape. My journey began in the deep end, and it left me dangling for far too long.

 

Today’s word is water:

 <a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/water/”>Water</a>

 

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